Not Yet Fired

Funny messages and emails received at work.

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My whole house smells like upsexy.

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Trimesters sound like school detention. Either way, I don’t want a part of either of them.

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Almost had a threesome last night. Just needed two more people.

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Up to 25% off G Adventures

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When your lady brings a plate of cheese to bed, the likelihood of getting some action is extremely low.

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I really am a hipster. I did my ex before it was cool. Now everyone’s doing her.

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New Year’s resolution… Date more models.

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The server found your request confusing and is unsure on how to proceed.

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I think my penis has permanently retracted inside of my body… that is how the meeting went.

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How is saying, “She has the perfect birthing shape,” not a compliment?

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468x60 Russell Simmons

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1 + 1 = 3 if you don’t use a condom.

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